When I clicked on this song, I expected to listen to maybe half of it and move on. As much as I love Ozzy, to call his output since the early ‘90s spotty would be charitable. That said, I thought his 2020 album Ordinary Man had some of the best songs he’s put together in years. The awful production, though, made the LP sound like it was playing through a busted speaker, rendering Ordinary Man largely unlistenable for me.
Clearly from the title of this song, we’re looking at something that’s going to deal with madness and mental issues, a common topic for Osbourne – and that’s proven out from the soft, off-kilter opening seconds that feature crazed laughs.
But then that guitar riff kicks in. It’s not at all what you expect from an Ozzy Osbourne song. But it’s this big, funky, catchy lick that immediately worms its way into your head and gets it bobbing.
Then Ozzy comes in over it, delivering the vocal in his familiar mocking tone. It’s grooving and catchy, and then “Patient Number 9” takes another very unexpected turn with the slinky bridge hook that takes a cue from pop music, but still manages to not lose any of its Ozzy-ness. The chorus hits with even more of a pop-rock feel, but with a badass blues-rock guitar lick connecting the phrases and some cool shredding behind the madman as it reaches its payoff. Then we’re right back to that big main riff.
After the second verse, Jeff Beck begins wailing away with a solo worthy of an Ozzy song, another thing that was largely missing on Ordinary Man. Coming out of the solo, we slip into a trademark Ozzy interlude where things slow down and he moans the lyrics mournfully before picking back up for the chorus again. Finally, we close “Patient Number 9” with a minute or so of very 1970s-inspired acoustic rock strumming and even more guitar histrionics.
The song is not without its issues, and they’re very much the same as on Ordinary Man: The mix is largely muffled and muddy. It kind of works with “Patient Number 9,” though, except on Beck’s solo which is a little unclear and hard to hear with all of the noise going on around it. It makes me wonder why you’d have Jeff Beck on the track and then kind of bury him.
It’s also pretty clear that Ozzy is getting plenty of help with his vocals, but that’s been the case for a long time, and with his recent health struggles, to be expected.
Still, rather than listening to half of “Patient Number 9” and going back to that blazing new Megadeth tune or the new Alestorm record like I expected, I spent most of the evening blasting it. I feel like I shouldn’t like “Patient Number 9” at all, but I do. And I mean I really do. It piques my interest for what, realistically, may well be the last music that we get from Ozzy Osbourne.
Here’s hoping the Prince of (Bleeping) Darkness has a few more bangers in him.
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