There is much about the Beatles that’s easy to love. The ornate pop, the long-haired peaceability, the arguments over which one’s your favorite. Still, lend them your ear and you’ll discover a few duds.
Even a group as talented, and successful, as the Fab Four couldn’t help but round out a handful of albums with what could only charitably be called filler. Heck, they even had a few charttoppers that might qualify. (Yes, we’re looking at you “Hello, Goodbye.”)
In compiling our list of the worst offenders, we tried to stay away from easy targets. So, none of their earliest stuff. No Ringo Starr, either. We also left off experimental verite-rock tracks like “Revolution No. 9,” “You Know My Name (Look Up The Number)” and “What’s The New Mary Jane,” which weren’t really songs per se.
What remains is the stuff that didn’t quite make their hall-of-fame resume — the ones where they took a bad song … and made it worse. Our S. Victor Aaron and Nick DeRiso investigated:
THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD (LET IT BE, 1970)
Beatles songs themed on the word “long” are bad karma — but more on that in a minute. This syrupy ballad was a favorite for senior proms at least into the 1980s, sending everyone hurtling into morbidly depressive states — and thus permanently halting generations of young men at first base. (Damn you, DJ!) Even at three-and-a-half minutes, it seemed to be overly long and, yes, winding. (Heck, the Beatles damned near fell asleep playing it. Don’t believe us? Just look at the video.) Producer Phil Spector, in a move that McCartney said precipitated the breakup of the Fabs, later came in and added 18 violins, four violas, four cellos, three trumpets, three trombones, two guitars and a choir of 14 women to the song.
Nick DeRiso: McCartney’s showy complaints about the Spector-ization of this track are funny even now, considering how many of his later songs had armies of violins, trumpets, girls, and so on.
S. Victor Aaron: Spector should have gone to jail much sooner for the heavy-handed way he polished this turd of a song. Paul wanted to kick his ass for that, but it’s his own fault for laying this turd in the first place.
Nick DeRiso: Loved Phil’s comeback to this harrumphing: “Paul had no problem picking up the Academy Award for the Let It Be movie soundtrack, nor did he have any problem in using my arrangement of the string and horn and choir parts when he performed it during 25 years of touring on his own. If Paul wants to get into a pissing contest about it, he’s got me mixed up with someone who gives a shit.”
ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE (MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR, 1967)
Composed for the first globally televised live event via satellite, “All You Need Is Love” has the wafer-thin depth and tinny feel of, well, a TV theme song. It’s perhaps of little surprise to learn that the Beatles didn’t sit down to work on the song until a scant 11 days before the broadcast. Falling back on his penchant for sloganeering, Lennon — who once said “I like slogans. I like advertising. I love the telly” — simply threw out a series of sayings, then gussied it up with effects, including snippets of the French national anthem and their early hit “She Loves You.”
S. Victor Aaron: Everyone tends to give songs from ’67 a pass for the hippy-trippy lyrics but we have to draw a line somewhere and John crossed it: “There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done/Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung. Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game/It’s easy.” Yes, it’s easy indeed … to write trite prose. He credited his then-four-year-old-son Julian for inspiring “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds,” but it wouldn’t have surprised me if young Jules also wrote the words for “All You Need Is Love,” too.
Nick DeRiso: This arrived amid a startlingly uneven period for Lennon, who was just as capable of kaleidoscope brilliance (“A Day In the Life,” “Strawberry Fields Forever”), as he was a number of under-cooked, cliche-riddled throwaways like “Good Morning, Good Morning,” “Baby, You’re a Rich Man” and this overplayed snoozer. Backed up against the wall by a deadline, Lennon followed more than he led — echoing the themes of that summer rather than coming up with something original.
S. Victor Aaron: And then as the song drifted off into lala land, who was being the ass clown mocking their earlier hits? Yeah, that’s right, Paul.
LONG, LONG, LONG (WHITE ALBUM, 1968)
Inspired musically by “Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands,” the final track on Bob Dylan’s celebrated Blonde On Blonde album, this one actually had potential — but the muddled production (was George Martin on a smoke break?) sunk the song. First, Ringo’s too-up-front fills disrupt what little flow the song has, then there’s Harrison’s faint, echoing vocal, and finally a rattling bottle of Blue Nun wine on top of a Leslie speaker cabinet to end things. Maybe this sounded more interesting while baked. It must have.
Nick DeRiso: A wet blanket of a record, it’s as if you’re trapped in a some place dark with a guy who won’t get to the point. Is he in love with some girl? Has he found God? Can he speak the hell up? Everything about it seems claustrophobic, save for Ringo’s smashingly out-of-place fills.
S. Victor Aaron: The tune goes straight to the bottom in the last 30 seconds as George gets freaky and emits “ahhhhhhhh” as the song comes to messy end. But I can relate to him. Every time I hear this song, I want to cover up my ears and yell “ahhhhh” so I can tune it out.
Nick DeRiso: When ever I think I’m completely sick of this song, I think about the interminable sessions. The odd waltz time here forced the self-taught Beatles to go through an astonishing 67 takes to complete the rhythm track. (Talk about long … long … LONG!) That’s about 60 more times than I’ve listened to this song.
MAXWELL’S SILVER HAMMER (ABBEY ROAD, 1969)
Nothing like a jaunty little tune about a homicidal maniac to spark up an album, eh? Convinced somehow that this could be a hit anyway, McCartney, and a rotating group of his hapless bandmates, somehow spent three days — three days! — recording this track. “He did everything to make it into a single,” Lennon said years later, “and it never was — and it never could have been.” Bang bang!
S. Victor Aaron: Paul can get awfully damned silly at times but never more than he did here. The original meaning of the term “hammer time” was a story about … ah screw it, it’s not even worth getting into.
Nick DeRiso: When Paul sings the line “writing 50 times, ‘I must not be so-oh-oh-oh,'” he can be heard cracking up — reportedly, because Lennon had mooned him during the previous verse, which ends “so he waits behind.” All of that is funnier than anything that actually happens here. A pothole on the otherwise superlative Abbey Road.
S. Victor Aaron: Give it to Paul, though: This was the first recorded instance that a synthesizer was used in a cringe-inducing song. Awful prog rock owes a huge debt to Macca.
BLUE JAY WAY (MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR, 1967)
Another Harrison clusterfuck. Written while George was bored stiff waiting for his publicist to arrive at a house he was renting on Blue Jay Way in Los Angeles — and it shows. Befitting the times, the tune employs all manner of effects — copious flanging, vocal processing, backwards playbacks fading in and out. None of it distracts from the essential ennui of this deeply uninteresting jetlagged dirge.
S. Victor Aaron: The song is creepy and trippy but not at all in the right ways. George’s voice sounds like it was run through a Leslie speaker by way of a Hammond B-3 and the droning “please don’t be very long” is grating enough. But, no, this had to supplemented by a second droning voice repeating that insipid phrase out of tune.
Nick DeRiso: What bitter irony, the way George keeps repeating the phrase please … don’t … be … long. Too late. This song is the Energizer bunny of bad Beatles songs: It just keeps going and going and going. And going. You feel sorry for those poor bastards playing the cello.
S. Victor Aaron: Psychedelic music, like psychedelic drugs, had good trips and bad trips. This was a trip to musical hell.
DISHONORABLE MENTIONS: “Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da,” (la-la, how this song goes wrong); “Within You Without You” (mostly, without); “All Together Now” (Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, I hate you); “Run For You Life” (they just don’t make wife-beating songs like they used to); and “Only A Northern Song” (this one, alas, goes south quickly).
- Angell & Crane, “Himalayan Dial-Up” from ‘Angell & Crane’ (2024): Video Premiere - November 22, 2024
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Is there really anything left to say about the Beatles that hasn’t been said already?
“All You Need Is Love” is one of seven reasons to like The Magical Mystery Tour album and without it the album would seem lost.
“The Long And Winding Road” might seem like another slow boring ballad but then again the world is so full of them and this isn’t the only boring Beatle song there is but it makes The Let It Be album a much better listen.
Paul wrote this same kind of song with “My Love” in 1973 and they also called it syrupy.
If “Long, Long,Long” wasn’t on the The White Album fans would be waiting in line to buy a copy of the song just because they want every Beatle song. One less song like this could have made that album a single disc.
I like the “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” melody. Always prefer melody over lyric.
Someone said “I Am The Walrus” wasn’t on the list and it was creepy. That’s what makes the song cool. STYX did this song live and they rocked with it. I don’t really dig The Beatles that much anymore but I’d have Walrus on a list of Beatle faves.
Mr. Moonlight. duh!
You’re certainly not alone in that opinion, but here’s an alternative view of that song: http://somethingelsereviews.com/2012/09/21/deep-beatles-mr-moonlight-1964/
One correction: McCartney didn’t accept the Oscar for Let It Be–Quincy Jones did on the Beatles’ behalf. See YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3A9WPx1qNkY
Spector must have had his wig on backwards that day.
I never was a big Beatles fan as I preferred the more raw, blues and R&B influenced music from The Animals, The Kinks, and the Stones. With that said, the whole argument of judging good songs – bad songs is ridiculous as the enjoyment of music is a very subjective thing that differs greatly from person to person. I like chocolate – you like vanilla. I’ve never understood the point of the 50 greatest guitarists or the 20 worst drummers, etc. Music is art and its appreciation is subjective.
Blue Jay Way may be a crappy song to many but I just love listening to and getting lost in the trippiness of it all.
1) Revolution #9 (sorry, but there it is).
2) Old brown shoe. Seriously, this song is about as pleasant as a dog puking on your sofa. The words are awful, the song goes nowhere, and we had to hear it all too often because it somehow made “The Blue Album”.
3) I Call Your Name
4) Mr. Kite
5) Sweet Honey Pie
Who wants to argue a thing like this? I can listen to the Beatles’ five songs that suck safely and at top volume in the privacy of my own home. Try it,it works.
Plus,they suck less in mono.
Get “Long Long Long” off that list now!
I’ve always been rather “meh” about “The Long and Winding Road” and “All You Need is Love” finding both rather banal. “Long Long Long” is rather rough but I’ve always dug “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” and always will. Just a silly piece of dark humor. Largh people!
Long long Long is the only song I’ll disagree with being on this list. the rest I can understand although i’m a 100% beatles fan so I wouldn’t say that any of the songs “sucked”….. And baby you’re a rich man is a fantastic song
1. You Know My Name, Look Up The Number
2. Flying
3. Only A Northern Song
4. Why Don’t We Do It In The Road
5. Wild Honey Pie
I actually like “Blue Jay Way” and “Long Long Long” (though I often considered this to be the remotest song on the White Album). My other two candidates for the Top Five would be “Hello Goodbye” and “Honey Pie.”
You guys are so wrong about Long Long Long. It’s a mood piece, that is produced accordingly, and that comes right after Helter Skelter, and then peacefully ends side 3 of the vinyl album release. The production is supposed to be dark and mellow after a fairly raucous side 3, and before a slightly crazy side 4. The ending with the sirens hint at the underlying tension of the the entire White Album as a whole, and 1968 in general. After Helter Skelter, I need Long Long Long just as it’s produced to bring me back down, and ready for Revolution 1. Don’t people get that?
I love this peaceful and muted song. And the way it works in the context of the flow of the album. It also follows the pattern of placing mellow songs as the last song on each side of this four-sided album.
There are worse songs on the White Album, not to mention plenty of throw-aways before Rubber Soul. There are worse George Harrison songs.
Maybe you guys are correct about the other four songs, but not Long Long Long. Try to not focus on particular songs as isolated moments, but as it fits in in the context of the album. That’s the way the Beatles were doing things at this point, as you should know.
You guys crack me up. Only five songs? You’d have a smaller article to only put five good songs. The rest of their catalogue ranges from barely listenable to complete sonic slop.
I agree in part with the list, although I disagree that the topic be limited to middle- and late-period.
That said, I like “The Long & Winding Road”, and am in the minority opinion that Phil Spectorization is what the song needed. “Maxwell” should be number one; “Wild Honey Pie” is a throwaway; the problem with “Long Long Long” is the production, rather than the song. The result is a snoozer recording; for me, both “Hello Goodbye” and “Don’t Let Me Down” are overrated and overplayed.
“Long And Winding Road” is a bad song I’ll admit. “Maxwells Silver Hammer” should have been on a McCartney album, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it is a great composition and wonderfully produced. “All You Need Is Love”??? Are you freakin’ kidding me?? Who gives a crap how long it took John to write it?? It’s the anthem of the 1960’s. You try to write something that so fluently changes meters as that. Epic material. “Hello Goodbye” is brilliance in a pop song. “Long, Long, Long” and “Blue Jay Way” are masterpieces. The mood they set is as well thought out as Martha Stewerts Christmas banquet.
What a joke! These are some of the Beatles highly regarded songs….
When I think of 5 bad Beatles songs, I think of Mr Moonlight (which they didn’t write), Hold me Tight, (not very good), Savoy Truffle, Revolution #9, You know my name (look up the number)…
whomever thinks these songs sucks are really ignorant deaf and dumb!
It is all music. It is all opinion as to whether most would consider these as bad songs, or it is just the opinion or a nameless writer (with good reason for remaining nameless) who gets paid for filling up empty spaces with judgments no one really cares about. Get a real job.
Numbers one and two, yes, but you couldn’t be more wrong about the others.
What s bunch of idiots you are that work for this site. The only some you were right aboutis the domestic violence one.
Wow, really? Maxwell’s Silver Hammer may be silly – but that’s kind of the idea, it’s a ditty about a murderer; I love it! I also think ‘All You Need is Love’ is a brilliant song with a message that anybody in the world can understand. Also, I quite like Blue Jay Way in all honesty – I think it’s got just enough creepiness on it.
Personally if we’re talking about crappy Beatles songs, my suggestions are without a doubt: Wild Honey Pie, Good Morning Good Morning, Revolution 9 (experimental or not, it’s still a complete waste of time for me), rather controversially She Loves You (it may be old but oh my god, it’s such basic and dull writing ‘she loves you yeah yeah yeah’ urgh…) and literally anything from the ‘Let It Be’ album aside from ‘Let It Be’ itself.